Monday, 3 September 2012

Say No to Dowry!....Loud & Clear

Say No to Dowry!...Loud & Clear
We will not take dowry for our son, but whether we like it or not, or how against we are of it, we have to give dowry to our daughter.
What kind of contradiction is this? All these years I have witnessed, that you are not a gender biased mother. Then why such kind of discrimination between me and bhai (brother), said Sadia, talking to her mother in a surprising tone.
You will not understand how society works.
And I am not interested in understanding dual standards of our so called educated society, Sadia replied.
I will not take even a small thing like “pin” along with me in the name of dowry, whether you like it or not. For me a man is not a man enough if he accepts dowry, if he cannot afford then he should not marry anyone.
I will marry someone who will be interested in marrying me, the person not the package deal.
 What exactly is dowry?
Is it a mindset that you cannot marry your daughter without dowry?
Is it a self-imposed burden?
Is it our habit, culture, ritual or has some religious significance?
Taking or accepting or demanding dowry from girl’s parents shows our hollowness. It shows how shallow we are from inside. Taking dowry shows our lust and greed for material things and for all these material things we are ready to ignore every other thing, and in extreme cases we do not feel hesitation in killing a girl for the sake of dowry.
And unfortunately here (in case of dowry) we close our eyes and ears and brain from our religion and its teaching regarding “marriage and things related to it”. Yet we offer five daily prayers, with regularity and punctuality.
We are basically hypo crates to the core. How? On different talk shows, morning shows, on different social forums, in our casual conversations with friends and family, in our drawing rooms, we condemn “dowry” and labeled it as a shameful act. But when it comes to actually doing something practical for it, we beat the bushes”. And the most convincing answer from would be in- laws is “Maa baap apni khushi say joo dein apni beti ko” (whatever parents give with happiness to their daughter). But “khushi”, happiness is a relative term, and it has not limits, so where to put a full stop?
The excuse from girls parents, “susral walay izzat nahi kerain gain” (in- laws will not respect our daughter), if we send her without dowry. My question to all those parents, do they really think that such sort of respect is of any worth? No…It is better to give a shut up call to such demanding in- laws at first place.
Consequently we all are at fault and girls parents are also “equal partner in crime”, when they willingly send their daughters with dowry. It is high time that we actually say no to dowry, loud and clear.
Say no to “Dowry” the way we say no to “Drugs”!
Subsequently we should encourage, husband and wife should both earn together for their livelihood, rather than taking dowry to fulfill all your material wants overnight. This is not only ridiculous but pathetic too!
Mariam Khan

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