Say No to Dowry!....Loud & Clear

Say No to Dowry!...Loud & Clear

We will not take dowry for our son, but whether we like it or not, or how against we are of it, we have to give dowry to our daughter.

What kind of contradiction is this? All these years I have witnessed, that you are not a gender biased mother. Then why such kind of discrimination between me and bhai (brother), said Sadia, talking to her mother in a surprising tone.

You will not understand how society works.

And I am not interested in understanding dual standards of our so called educated society, Sadia replied.

I will not take even a small thing like “pin” along with me in the name of dowry, whether you like it or not. For me a man is not a man enough if he accepts dowry, if he cannot afford then he should not marry anyone.

I will marry someone who will be interested in marrying me, the person not the package deal.

 What exactly is dowry?

Is it a mindset that you cannot marry your daughter without dowry?

Is it a self-imposed burden?

Is it our habit, culture, ritual or has some religious significance?

Taking or accepting or demanding dowry from girl’s parents shows our hollowness. It shows how shallow we are from inside. Taking dowry shows our lust and greed for material things and for all these material things we are ready to ignore every other thing, and in extreme cases we do not feel hesitation in killing a girl for the sake of dowry.

And unfortunately here (in case of dowry) we close our eyes and ears and brain from our religion and its teaching regarding “marriage and things related to it”. Yet we offer five daily prayers, with regularity and punctuality.

We are basically hypo crates to the core. How? On different talk shows, morning shows, on different social forums, in our casual conversations with friends and family, in our drawing rooms, we condemn “dowry” and labeled it as a shameful act. But when it comes to actually doing something practical for it, we beat the bushes”. And the most convincing answer from would be in- laws is “Maa baap apni khushi say joo dein apni beti ko” (whatever parents give with happiness to their daughter). But “khushi”, happiness is a relative term, and it has not limits, so where to put a full stop?

The excuse from girls parents, “susral walay izzat nahi kerain gain” (in- laws will not respect our daughter), if we send her without dowry. My question to all those parents, do they really think that such sort of respect is of any worth? No…It is better to give a shut up call to such demanding in- laws at first place.

Consequently we all are at fault and girls parents are also “equal partner in crime”, when they willingly send their daughters with dowry. It is high time that we actually say no to dowry, loud and clear.

Say no to “Dowry” the way we say no to “Drugs”!

Subsequently we should encourage, husband and wife should both earn together for their livelihood, rather than taking dowry to fulfill all your material wants overnight. This is not only ridiculous but pathetic too!

Mariam Khan

I am single and HAPPY too

I am single and Happy too

I am single and I am happy too but the people around me (a part from my family) are not happy with my single status. What to do? Are they seriously concerned about my happiness or they consider it their right to comment on “why I am still single?” Moreover, to show sympathy that I am not married yet. But my question to them is “what is their problem”? 

Peer pressure, societal pressure always forced girls and their family to end up in a miss match. And later on, such marriages result into divorce and separation. Therefore, it is extremely important not to get married because of pressure. It is better to be single than to end your life in a mess.

There was a time when the perfect age for girls’ marriage was 22-23 but (thanked God) now due to professional education and careers people do not mind getting their daughters married at the age of 26-27.Our society is accepting this trend, but (very) slowly.

Settling with someone just to please the society and to avoid the hurting comments, is not a fair deal. Getting married is not like taking admission in some college or university or for that matter enrolling oneself for some diploma course for a year or so. It is a lifelong decision and should be taken with conscious mind. Rather than emotions and sentiments.

Both boys and girls want a compatible life partner; they look for many things before getting into any relation. And I believe it is good because no one marry for a short period intentionally, so one should be open and careful about it in order to avoid difficulties and problems later on. Today marriages are neither arrange nor love but somewhere in between.

In addition, due to the advancement and development in different means of communication, people found a more easy way to get hold of their (perfect) match. Social networks, mobile phones, matrimonial sites etc. Co-education, working places all are also a good source of match making(if the person is serious). Because through all these means one got the opportunity to know the other person, other than the traditional ways of finding a match.

Therefore, those who are single and happy with it just do not bother what society thinks. Look for your happiness as we all have one life so enjoy it to the fullest. Be happy always.

Mariam Khan

When Insults had class!

There was a time when insults had class. People disagree with each other, but in a respectful manner. They insult each other but in a decent and profound way. They value the differences of their opponents. And that was a key to their success.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…. if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.

But today unfortunately, due to advancement in communication technology and social media particularly Facebook and Twitter, people don’t even think for a second before insulting and ridicule and disrespecting anyone……anyone. As there is no proper monitoring system and no code of ethics for social networking sites. To me these social sites are nothing but a platform where “you just spit, spill and show your filth to everyone”.

Why can’t we act decently?

Why can’t we disagree in a decent manner?

Where is our education?

Where are our religious, moral and ethical values?

Today Pakistanis and our youth (particularly) are divided into different political parties, and are fighting with each other (like anything) whereas our leaders both current and future are having their “sweet time”.

Therefore just take a pause for a moment (from your extremely busy life) and think what are we up to? (and it includes all of us). What are we doing? Where are we heading and what consequences we will have to face?

We as a nation are deteriorating and sinking on moral and ethical grounds with every passing second rather mili- second.

When we all can stand united as a strong nation for a “cricket match”, why not for our country “Pakistan”? Think over it! Change comes from within and all we need to do is to work on our inner souls.

We cannot have a “good leader” with this attitude of ours, because the fault lies within ourselves (within every individual) and only we can rectify it. And the day, when we will be successful in becoming a good human being…..good Muslim….and a good Pakistani then we will not need any leader because someone from us will lead us (In sh ALLAH)

“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion” Paulo Coelho

Therefore start respecting each other. Start valuing the differences of your fellow citizens. Rise up as a nation…..a nation comprised of honor, dignity, respect and people of amicable character. The world will respect YOU.

Mariam Khan

Social Media Harassment!

Social Media Harassment!

With every passing day, social media harassment by PTI’s supporters (proud social media abusers) is increasing. And I am afraid if Mr. Khan come into power, then a new “blasphemy law” will be introduce and according to that law, if someone utter anything against Mr. Khan, he/she will be hang or stone to death.

 

In recent past, many hateful and disrespectful campaigns were launched by PTI social media team, against almost everyone who dares to ask questions about PTI and Mr. Imran Khan, be it Sana Baucha (her abusive Facebook page Sana Bitch) Hamid Mir, Dr, A.Q. Khan, Attaul Haq Qasmi etc. People from different walks of life were targeted and harassed by PTI social media abusers.

And very recently I was going through the Facebook pages owned by PTI supporters and I came across with their new target, a 27 years old young man name Fawad Khalid khan. And I was quite amused how people on Facebook are malign this guy and why. And I failed to understand why this man is their new target, what offense he committed?

Finally I succeeded in finding out the reason with the help of an article written by Sarah Khan a fellow citizen.

Then I begin my research to find out why particularly this guy, who is not a celebrity, yet he is target and why PTI is so scared of him that they are going from pillar to post to malign this guy.

What my sister Sarah Khan has written, I truly respect her feelings, as we all wanted to see Pakistan as a prosper country. But my sister in your desperation of seeing Pakistan a better place, please do not try to malign anyone without knowing him/her completely. The character assassination of Fawad Khalid in your article shows your biased attitude. And I would not say that you have written all this, to distort or for some cheap publicity, or you are paid for writing it, definitely not, but don’t you think one should be extremely careful before spreading such kind of false propaganda and hatred against anyone.

We being the citizens of this country, we have full right and liberty to ask questions to our leaders, (only) …to our leaders only …..to our leaders only……be them from any party but targeting one person and that too on personal grounds, is not right, rather it is awful. It shows our hollowness and shallowness. It is high time that we youth should be united and start questioning our leadership. Instead of indulging our self into hatred against each other.

Sarah mentioned in her article that Fawad was an ex-APML and she was shocked to know this and so she raised questions about his character.

Sister, leaving one party and then joining another party does not proved anyone as a bad character, and if according to your article if someone is, then what would you write on Mr. Jinnah? He left “Congress” and later joined “Muslim League”. I hope you got my point. Think rationally and value the differences of your fellow citizens.

And don’t be shocked sister if he was supporting Musharraf in past. He himself one a public forum has said it openly that he was an ex-APML so there is no need to be shocked or surprised. It is more appropriate to say, that he was an ex-APML, is a fact, and now he is supporting PML (N) is a reality.

Here is a link in which he clearly said that he left APML and why. And to clear you further he left APML almost “year back not five months”. And it shows how research oriented article you have written. And just an additional advice sister, when you are writing something about someone “do proper research” before mud slanging anyone.

And I was more amazed by the comments on the blog, people without knowing anything about him start abusing him. The whole article was written on here say and without even a pinch of reality in it. And people are appreciating the blogger.

Someone commented on the blog

Muhammad Noman Alam Siddiqui19 May 2012 07:43

Great work Sara khan. Outstanding Blog. Needs people like you to present all the realities in front of common people.

My question is, “what kind of reality and what “great” work you people are talking about and praising about”? Does anyone dare to ask Sarah from where she gathered all the information? And started character assassination of Fawad? No one will ask her, because we are more interested in false propaganda.

Let us have a look who is “real” Fawad Khalid Khan?

A source of inspiration for many young, talented and educated youth.

We should be proud of Fawad Khalid Khan for his Innovative Targeting System. We should try to follow his footsteps to make our country proud! Rather targeting and harassing this young lad (who is a pride of Pakistan) without any concrete reasons.

The behavior of PTI’s supporters on different forums of social media has now become a serious matter, whether we like it or not but it is true. My one and only request to Mr. Khan (putting aside all the political brawls) please guide this youth and help them so that they don’t get astray.

Mariam Khan

Noble Profession…….Not any more!

Noble Profession…….Not any more!

Doctors Vs Humans

“I don’t care, if they are dying. It is not my problem. We will continue our strike till the fulfillment of our demands”.

But what about your “Hippocratic Oath’?

 I honestly don’t give a damn to that idiotic oath. To me that was nothing but just a ritual and I can’t let go my dreams for any such idiotic oath. Got It!

But I thought you are a doctor and doctors are supposed to save life. Aren’t they?

There was a time (years back) when the profession of medicine was considered to be one of the noble professions. Doctors were respected because they were out there to serve “humanity”, irrespective of their personal motives and interests.

But today due to greed, lust for money and materialistic approach, this noble profession has now become one of the most corrupt and dangerous profession. Where doctors are playing with the precious lives without realizing how important the life of an individual is. As so many other lives are linked and associated with one single patient, who is at the mercy of doctors.

 Doctors are supposed to save life, but unfortunately due to their greed they have now become main reason for a rise in death rate.

Today the cheapest thing on earth is “human life” and it is the irony of our life.

No one is asking you to be God, but at least be human. Your one day strike had killed so many innocent people in a day. What would you call this in humane act? How would you justify your stance? A patient who died due to your negligence, strike and ego, will never return. Try to differentiate yourselves with terrorists and suicide bombers.

So please stop this in humane crime, follow some ethics, personal and professional before it is too late. Think over it before going for a strike next time!

Mariam Khan

Lawn Crazy Nation

Lawn Crazy Nation…….Stuck by a communicable disease

HSY, Sana Safinaz, Veenaza Ahmed, Gull Ahmed, Yasir Waheed, Mausummery, Warda etc etc if you are not familiar with these names then what the hell you are doing on earth! Few days back I went for shopping (not in search of any designer lawn) because I am quite comfortable wearing lawn from a pathan sitting outside a shop or on footpath, provided I like the design and color.

Coming back to lawn craziness, the designer outlet was badly packed with ladies and it was a sight to watch how ladies were pushing each other and shouting to get hold of their favorite print. And interestingly no one was bothered or interested even to talk about price. All were interested in catching the best print before any one else take away with it. Therefore (with lots of courage) when I dare to ask “price” (as an odd one out) the sales man looked at me as if I asked for some banned thing. He was stunned at my question and I was like OK!

The lawn craziness has taken over our ladies like a storm or it is like a tsunami you have no choice other then being hit by it willingly or unwillingly. Or we can say it is a contagious disease no one can escape it. And with every passing day “lawn craziness” is increasing.

Isn’t it amazing how a simple lawn (few years back) has now become symbol of showing your wealth,….a status symbol. A lawn has now become yardstick to measure your status in society and a tool to identify you designer sense. If you are wearing HSY, Sana Safinaz, Veenaza Ahamed then you are in “A”category and you belong to very high class.

How a simple lawn has now become a luxury. The changing trend in designer lawn reaches to such an extent that now days “designer lawn” are properly launched with release and launching date, along with full marketing strategies....WOW!

What else to say…………we are “lawn crazy nation”!

Mariam Khan

Children of lesser God……We Civilians

Children of  lesser God……We Civilians

Military Thinking……A mindset

Military thinking is a mindset, very different from the civilian thinking and approach. Their thinking and life is limited to “orders”…they gave orders and take orders (their entire life) and interestingly without any logic. From the beginning, they are program in a way that keeps them alien to the civilian life style and keeps them restricted to the protected boundaries of their compound. Moreover, within the boundaries they are taught “how to rule” the “civilians”.

 There is an immense gap and difference between civilians and military men. Therefore, whenever a dictator mind clashes with the democratic mind, the situation becomes worst. Because a dictator mind (in its obstinacy), set rules which are beyond the acceptance of a democratic mind. In addition, it is one of the reasons of country’s political instability. Military intervention has always hampers the free democratic system, has always disturbed, and stopped the smooth flow of democratic system.

According to military beliefs, civilians are children of lesser God, so they (military) have all rights to disrespect them or ridicule them for any reason or most of the time without any reason.

 Whereas they (military men) are the blessed creatures of God. Therefore, they are the superior creatures and they made laws for others to follow. They are not answerable to anyone, but they can question anyone any time, about anything. 

But in their pride they have forget something, that people will respect them till they keep us protected from the dangerous coming from the borders but their dictatorship will not be tolerated  if they  try to draw or create boundaries within the country and between civilians and military. Because law is same for all, be it uniform clad man or man without uniform. Bottom line is no one is above law and we all should respect it.

Therefore, democracy how shams or shallow it may be is far better than dictatorship. Military rule wants everything to be regimented but human beings are not programmed to be regimented all the time. They need freedom. Freedom of thought, freedom of movement, freedom of action. You cannot rule everyone all the time.

 

The need is to abolish the current mindset of the military otherwise wait for dire consequences from the rebellious civilians.

Mariam Khan

Social Media………….. Pity For PTI

 

 Social Media………….. Pity For PTI

The recent hacking or the sudden disappearance of all PTI Facebook pages left its supporters, lovers, and followers in a state of disbelief and denial. Because Facebook is their only strength on social media as PTI’s focus was always to attract large number of fans for PTI but only on Facebook.

However, the real shocker for PTI (so called) professionals at social media, came in the shape of an interesting and innovative activity on twitter started by “awam” ….the supporters of PML(N).

Today PTI’s real strength and their social media strategies were badly exposed once again. How? An activity started on twitter that lasted for two hours with the title “#PityForPTI”. It remained as third worldwide Trending Topic for 20 minutes and Top Trending Topic for an hour in Dubai and for two hours in Karachi. These nerve-wracking statics once again left PTI’s social media professionals in a state of shock, more than the hacking of its Facebook pages.

However, surprisingly there were only few people representing PTI on twitter to counter it but they lack logic as always. PTI supporters did not come up even with their trade mark i.e. “abusive language and comments”. Twitter was all-calm today from PTI lovers. Why?

How could we expect a revolution, or tsunami (to be more appropriate) from a party whose strength and power is limited to a single forum of social media i.e. Facebook.  Is not it a pity for PTI and its die-hard supporters? 

Nevertheless, with the activity named “#PityForPTI” it has now become visible (provided you have an eye to see it) that PML (N) support is not limited to only a single forum. Its presence cannot be ignored or denied, be it Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, and other social media forums or be it public gatherings etc. PML (N) supporters are everywhere reason being they are the real “awam” and “awam” is present everywhere. PML (N) is modern yet conservative at the same time but truly represents the people of Pakistan.

Mariam Khan

 

We criticize….why?

We criticize….why?  

Why we always critize? Why we are always ready to pour scorn on others, ridicule or insult others? Because we love it, (simple) otherwise it would be arduous for us to start our day without passing few negative remarks about anything or for that matter about everything. This is how we are, sad but true.

I have observed that it is very difficult for us to say a simple word i.e. “good” for others. We cannot praise or appreciate any good work done by anyone. We as a society consider it our moral duty to criticize.

 

To me these social media forums are like criticizing tools. Where, one has the freedom to bash anyone even on personal grounds and interestingly without concrete reasons. Moreover, we take pride in saying “I insulted him/her”. Constructive criticism, difference of opinions and valuing the differences provides nourishment to the mind and enhance “thought process”, but unfortunately we critise just for the heck of it. We disagree to show our importance, knowledge, or power. Moreover, try to impose our views on others.

 

To further, clarify my stance, very recently, the laptop provision initiative taken by CM Punjab was badly misinterpreted i.e. he is doing all this for political mileage. In the age of technology no one can make you fool so be rational about things. People criticize him even for making “Danish School”. Come on give him some break. If you cannot appreciate it, then please do not discourage him as well. Just think for a while who will be benefited from all this? We, our country, our people, who else.

In addition, I am waiting when people will start criticizing CM Punjab for widening the canal road (Lahore). However, everyone can visibly witness the smooth flow of traffic after the reconstruction of the roads. Nevertheless, we dare not to appreciate, because we are not program to appreciate or acknowledge the good efforts.

 

We are ready to challenge “good intentions” of others. But who are we to question the intentions? Who gave us this right to doubt the intentions? Try to learn “how to appreciate” good. Let the positivity prevail.

Mariam Khan

Sorry......You are not welcome

 Sorry......You are not welcome

Knock Knock…before you enter…….it is not your domain….

You have a mic and a camera so you can invade anyone’s privacy.  A big NO…You can enter anyone’s private place since you are media person. Sorry this is beyond the pale. Who gave (media and the host) the right to peep into others life? Peeping into others life is also prohibited in Islam. There are humane and decent ways to discourage a bad act.

I was amazed and felt quite disgusted to see the latest episode of morning show on Sama Tv by Maya Khan. What does she wanted to prove with all this?  That how low people and media can go for “TRPs”.  I was wondering media ethics do really exist.  Alternatively, there are mere myths regarding ethics and laws as far as media is concerned.

 Nevertheless, one thing is for sure freedom of media does not mean to invade others privacy.

The same issue (dating) can be highlighted in a decent and profound manner without disrespecting anyone on national TV, rather the way it was being conducted. It clearly shows the intentions of the channel and program i.e. to gain maximum ratings for their show, nothing else.

  

Almost a year back  another morning show (Geo TV) did a similar publicity stunt the host Nadia Khan tried to malign actress Noor on personal grounds,  and that awful act  to gain ratings turned out to be the reason for the closure of the show and the career of the host.

Discussing social issues on TV, no doubt gave an insight into the problem and its effects. However, conducting a show in this manner definitely has more damaging and adverse effects.

The way twitter and other social media forums were bombarded with comments against the host (Maya Khan) and the channel (Sama Tv) was evident that it was highly unethical act by the concerned responsible people and they should submit a public apology so that in future such unethical and immoral acts can be stop.

Mariam Khan